Mammo What?

On my side of the mountain in Colorado, I have been feeling a bit fatigued lately. Since I haven’t had a checkup in a couple of years, I decided it was time to get a physical and have some blood work done to make sure everything is normal (whatever normal is). So I made the dreaded appointment with my doctor, and filled her in on my aches and pains. She proceeded to tell me that not only did she want to do blood work, but she also wanted me to have a mammogram and a bone density test. A bone density test? Seriously? Couldn’t she tell just to look at me that my bones are dense? Why do I need a test to prove it? And a mammogram? What is a mammo? And I am not even a Gram yet! But being the dutiful person that I am, I set up the prescribed appointments and waited for the date and time to arrive.

As I walked into the elaborate building, I thought this isn’t so bad. There was a big sign outside that said Penrad Imaging. That sounded pretty important to me, so I opened the doors with confidence and strolled in like I owned the world.

However, my ego was quickly deflated when the assistant at the desk handed me several forms to fill out. Of course, the first thing they wanted to know was what my weight and height were. Now I don’t know what that had to do with anything, but that wasn’t what caught my eye.

The form said: Height ___ Today’s Height____ Weight___ Today’s Weight____.

“Today’s Height” and “Today’s Weight” were highlighted in bright yellow. Are you kidding me? Evidently they are used to people lying about these things. I’m sure none of you have ever done that, and I know I certainly haven’t. =) Well after getting over the shock of that, I proceeded to fill out the forms, which had some other odd questions as well such as, “Do you wear a seatbelt?” Now I was really getting worried, thinking that they must be going to strap me into something so I couldn’t get out.

I barely had time to finish the forms when a staff member came out and escorted me down the hall to a small room, which looked sort of like a small locker room. After handing me a key to wear around my wrist, and showing me the locker where I was to distribute my unused belongings, she handed me not one, but two gowns, and said, “Here, put one on frontwards and one on backwards.” Now things were getting interesting. She acted like this was perfectly normal, and left me to figure it out. After examining the gowns, which both looked exactly alike, I proceeded to follow her instructions. I’ll have to admit, I was a bit confused. Don’t you think if you have two gowns, they should be a bit different? At least have some openings in different places,(which we won’t mention)? But this was NOT the case. There were not openings anywhere in either of them except for armholes. After pondering this for a few moments, I struggled to get into the gowns, one forwards and one backwards. Maybe this is why they asked me if I wore a seat belt. They knew how confined I would feel. Or… maybe that is why they had a sign on the wall with a cord that said: “pull if you need help.”

Fearing I would get more help than I needed, I refrained from pulling the cord.

I got situated as best I could and sheepishly walked out of the locker room, hoping I had the gowns on at least partially correct. I was instantly met by a gruff woman, who reminded me more of a military drill sergeant than a nurse. She did not explain anything to me but ordered me to get up on the table by this huge machine and lay down on my side. I tried to follow her instructions, but once I was on the table, instead of asking me to move in certain ways, she would just grab a hold of me and slide me around on the vinyl table. I have to admit I got the giggles for a bit. I assumed this was the bone density test. Maybe my bones weren’t as dense as I thought if she could maneuver me around like that. I tried to contain myself because every time she would take a picture with her monstrous machine, she would say, “Hold your breath.” Well maybe you’ve figured it out by now, but it’s hard to hold your breath while you are trying to keep from giggling. Somehow I managed, and made it through the series of moves, “hold your breaths”, and snapshots.

While I was deciding that maybe the process wasn’t so bad after all, but actually right down humorous, I was ordered off the table and handed a paper bag with a handle on it. I was told to gather my belongings that I had left in the locker and put them in the paper bag. Again, I did as I was instructed, and had a moment of panic when she started walking me to the same door I came in. Is this lady really going to walk me right through the waiting room in all my glory? Well fortunately, the hallway led to another door, where we took the back way into another section of doctors’ offices, meeting and greeting other nurses and staff members along the way who didn’t look a bit shocked at my twisted gown appearance. I realized this was the norm for them, so I smiled and nodded my head, trying not to make eye contact.

I was escorted into a different locker room and handed yet another key, where I safely deposited my meager belongings. Here I was told to sit in the waiting room where about 10 other women, looking like jailbirds, were all seated. They, too, had on the twisted prison gowns with the key hung safely about their wrist. I thought to myself, “At least they give you a key of escape.” I wanted to see if they had their gowns on like I did, but didn’t want to stare, so I picked up a magazine to act like I was reading, and would inconspicuously peer over the top of my magazine every so often to check them out. It is an awkward feeling sitting in a room trying NOT to stare or see what everyone else is doing. They all were putting on the facade, like I was, that this was normal, everyday behavior, and that they had on the latest fashion.

After waiting about 15 minutes, my name was finally called, and I was off to the mammogram. Now I won’t go into all of the gory details, as I’m sure you have all at least heard of or experienced this for yourselves, and have read all of the jokes on what to do in preparation. I will say that this nurse was much friendlier, and the process wasn’t quite as bad as I suspected. After it was all said and done, all of the results on everything came back normal, for which I am very grateful. Since I am very passionate about doing things as naturally as possible, I started on a new vitamin supplement called Luminex, and it has made all of the difference in my fatigue. I have had much more energy the past couple of weeks and feel like my old self again.

I will say that I am thankful for all the modern technology of our day that makes these tests possible. While it may be a bit humorous getting these tests done, it is so important to faithfully keep up on your health and have regular checkups. A friend of mine called the other day whose story did not turn out as fortunate as mine. She just had a double mastectomy. My heart goes out to her and to so many of you who are dealing with these issues. So be diligent. Make that appointment today, and let me know how it goes for you!